5 Things I Could Care Less About in Poker

Carlos MortensenIt’s been a while since I wrote anything really scathing about the poker world so today I’m going to touch on five different things that really crease me.

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t care about these things, or that these things are uninteresting or unimportant, and obviously some people are into this stuff otherwise people wouldn’t write about it, hell, I’ve written about these things in the past myself.

That being said, for me, I could go without another reference to any of them and be perfectly happy.

WSOPC Rings and other baubles

This actually goes hand in hand with the fifth thing on this list as the two combined make for a double-stuffed pile of crap I have no interest in.

I’ll occasionally read about some poker player or another picking up their third or seventh WSOPC ring and when I go to the Hendon Mob database I find out they give these things away in $300 events where the first place prize is roughly the same as a good-sized daily tournament at your local casino.

This isn’t to say these guys aren’t skilled, or a WSOPC ring is meaningless, just that a WSOPC ring’s value in the greater scheme of things is so far overblown that listing them from $300 Omaha 8 tournaments is like listing a participation medal on your resume.

I mean, when Derek Jeter does an interview I don’t hear them talk about his walk-off homerun in little league or when his t-ball team won the league championship. Great, you’ve won a few $300 tournaments for a few thousand dollars, let’s not act like these are even in the same realm as a WSOP bracelet.

Early reporting on poker tours with acronyms longer than 3 letters

Let me clarify this one, it’s not that I’m not interested in who wins a UKIPT title or a WSOPC Main Event, sometimes there are some really cool storylines and big prize-pools from these tournaments, and there is a good chunk of people interested in these tours, it’s just that the reporting on these events is beyond overkill.

For one thing, there are so many of these things (and some of them are awfully similar sounding like the APT and the APPT or the ANZPT, or the GUKPT and the UKIPT) I can’t keep them straight, and beyond that are people other than the competitors and their parents really interested in the Day 1a chip counts from the Lowland Valley Mid Wachusett League Poker Tour Main Event in Hackensack?

Let me know when the tournament is over and then I’ll read the write up.

Vague reports of cash games

These stories belong on poker strategy forums, So I can simply avoid reading them there and not on poker news sites.

And then there is always the obligatory follow-up where said player is asked about the supposed winnings and deflects the question entirely, and we get to relive the entire “did he really win/lose that much?” debate.

Chip counts

Here’s an idea, how about you tell me when you bust or how many chips you end the day with.

This “my backers want to play along at home” nonsense is the reason I think I follow only a handful of poker players on Twitter.

The only person who has gotten this right is Daniel Negreanu, as he created a separate Twitter account @DNChips for reporting his stack.

And when you’re tweeting your chip counts from some $300 WSOPC event in Butte, Montana I not only want to unfollow you, I want to report your account for spam.

Random poker players I guess I’m supposed to know and care about

There are a handful of poker players who deserve a lot of attention and headlines, and then there is a secondary tier of maybe 100 players who have really strong resumes and need mention. But for whatever reason the word poker pro is a label that about 49,900,000 of the 50,000,000 poker players in the world have attached to their name.

I’m sorry, I have little interest in the next Joe Bartholdi or Tuan Le, let’s at least see a little staying power before we slap the poker pro “crushing the game” tag on these people and start pawning them off as someone we should be interested in.

Three more things on this:

  1. I have been immersed in the poker world for about 15 years
  2. I follow poker very closely
  3. I have a steel trap memory

But still not a week goes by where I don’t come across some story featuring some poker player I’m supposed to know or care about and I have no clue who they are.

“Online cash-game killer JDucks99 talks about playing air and missed draws”

“two-time WSOPC ring winner triumphs at the MWLPT Hackensack Main Event”

“Interview with Nepalese poker legend Tenzin Gyatso*”

*Google it, and you’ll see why Tenzin is a “big hitter”

Author’s note: I purposefully (mis)use the phrase “could care less” in the title to show the sarcastic nature of the article.

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